Snow Jobs.

To give or not to give...

To give or not to give… that is the hangup.

There’s something about waking up in the most special of ways. You know, where your woman (or man) inconspicuously works his or her way down to your most private areas, and begins a slow and loving physical stimulation that seems to set the day off in a glorious way. Unfortunately, this rarely happens. Bad breath, personal hygiene, rushed schedules, stress, insecurity, perceived ineptitude, caring for children, or general malaise typically interferes with waking up in the most special of ways. And that’s too bad.

This should be no big deal. The new girlfriend has no problem with that sort of activity! All you’ll have to do is ask. As a matter of fact, you won’t even have to ask in most cases. Thankfully, Dr. Samantha Rodman admits when women are in a new relationship their sex drive dramatically increases, hormonally. When her sex drive is up and/or she is very aroused, she is more inclined to be less inhibited. So that’s when you get all the oral sex. Then, as the relationship stabilizes, her sex drive tanks. And guess what? You’ll be lucky if you get the special wake up call on your birthday, if ever again.

So what’s the deal with women? Are they scamming men, or is this some sort of bizarre hormonal incompatibility? I believe it’s a little of both. If you’ve been around the block a few times, as I have, you’ll begin to recognize the pattern. If you’re a person with certain insatiable needs, one way to avoid the snow job is lay it on the line early. Perhaps monogamy may not be for you. And that’s fine — you have to be a confident individual to admit that. Many potential partners of both sexes will agree. 

You don’t want to force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. There’s nothing worse than fellatio given by someone who hates doing it. It won’t be satisfying for either of you. I do have a certain friend who has figured out a creative incentive. He tells potential partners that his seed contains mystical properties, including stem cells, which have been proven to be re-generational and may be the secret to reversing the effects of age. Of course, this isn’t true, but you have to admit it’s a brilliant angle that’s difficult to logically dispute. I tried it myself, but my partner is a bit too intelligent. That in itself is a turn on. Back to the drawing board.

One comment

  1. Bahaha at your friend and his magical sperm. Unless he gets with total bimbos, I can’t image that actually working…ever. Unless he says it with annoying charismatic charm that some girls can’t resist. Can confirm that sex drive is at its max in the first six or so months of a relationship. I personally hate giving them upon request, maybe I’m just too prideful or something. Thankfully my husband is smart enough not to ask. Its always funner for both of us when I actually want to do it anyway.

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