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Why do you see a growing number of white women with black men, but not much of the opposite? There is something strange going on. In my non-scientific observations, it appears there is at least a 30-1 ratio. But why is this situation so lopsided? Even popular television shows like Parenthood and Satisfaction have created story lines where white teenage girls fall for African-American boys. Ironically, it never seems to work out, even on television. But why the sudden Jungle Fever fascination?
If you haven’t experienced this phenomenon for yourself, your first thought may be the penis size myth. Sorry, my African-American brethren, but most of you have more short-dick European DNA than you think. African descendent men have largely cross-bred with Caucasian races since the first slave ship reached Jamestown in 1619, so the average size of black men is pretty close to that of the white population. As a matter of fact, global studies have shown pure Africans tend to be closer to average also. This idea perpetuates stereotypes of black men that started when Europeans first set foot in Africa in the sixteenth century. Europeans believed that Africans were a people without God and therefore sexually uncontrollable. Their purported anatomy and inclinations supposedly enticed white women, and is still propagated by black men even today. White men used that awful N word to put their brothers down, and black men retaliated with this rumor, which is much more effective.
Statistically speaking, according to the United States Census, roughly 13% of the American populace is “black alone” – meaning they consider themselves purely African-American. Going with that stat, and the common assumption that males to females is pretty much 1:1 between the ages of 15-64 across all races, you’d assume there’s someone for everyone across most races. Except if you’re of Middle Eastern or Indian descent, where it’s practically a sin to birth a female. So let’s dig into this. My questions were – why are all these brothers going vanilla instead of chocolate, and what are the disproportionate amount of black women doing?
First, for those of you who refuse to read beyond headlines or pictures, you probably didn’t get this far anyway. But just in case there is a shit storm, please let your sisters know that I personally don’t have a problem with interracial relationships. Many of my closest friends — black, yellow, and peach — have dabbled in various colors. I have too. My light-skinned honey Tonya was the woman I should have married, but I was too naive to realize that in my 20s. As a matter of fact, a yellow world would solve a whole lot of human problems, especially here in Murica.
As a popular nightclub DJ in Philadelphia and New Jersey during the 1990s, I witnessed what I considered the beginning of this movement. Let’s take a look at the observations I’ve made over the past two decades about Caucasian ladies who prefer a dark-skinned man. I used to think it was strictly a New Jersey thing, because Jersey is so completely fucked up irreparably in a number of ways, but that is certainly not the case. Jersey is more normal than I could have ever guessed. Anyway, here’s what I’ve noticed.
No offense intended, Jennifer, Mary, and Susan, but with few exceptions, white women who hook up with darker-skinned black men aren’t typically the best looking white women. Again, there are exceptions, but most interracial daters are slightly overweight women who don’t spend much time on makeup or hair. It is absolutely true that brothers do love much back – for the uninitiated white suburban SAH, that means a large and curvaceous ass. Why? Beats the fuck out of me. That’s a psychological curiosity for another day. Many interracial daters prefer to pull their hair back into an obscenely tight bun or corn rows of some sort, ostensibly because it resembles the look of a typical African-American woman. Not sure why this is a thing, because DeDandre obviously doesn’t like black women’s hair, or we wouldn’t be talking about this. But whatever. These Caucasian women were most likely discarded at some point by not-so-nice Caucasian men due to various personality defects (on either side).
In some cases, a reason for interracial dating may involve a parental defect. The Caucasian girl abhors her parents, and what better way to piss off Bill and Barbara than by bringing a black man home for a holiday dinner. Their typical redneck Caucasian friends and neighbors now have the ammunition to sling mud for decades. She wins the battle easily — her parents will have to move for sure.
Or, perhaps the local area availability of suitable Caucasian options may be thin, especially if parents don’t live in a socioeconomically advantageous area, or if you have attended a “diverse” school. Peer pressure drives the acceptance of cross-race dating, regardless of parental influence.
Of course we’re simply skimming the surface of the sea of reasons why white women visit the dark side. Mom and Dad, honestly, it’s really no big deal.
But what about the brother’s perspective? Why would an African-American man eschew his own culture and date a white girl?
My observations show brothers who date white women, with obvious exceptions, tend to be suburban, gainfully employed, and upwardly mobile. In other words, they’re just like anyone else in the burbs, other than the color of their skin. You may find it surprising that in many situations, a Jamal may be a much better catch than a Jerry for any woman. Black men also have quite a few personality advantages that seem quite attractive to women, including an aversion to typical Euro-douchebaggery including hockey, hunting, and NASCAR.
Thanks to America’s evil European land-granted ancestors and their still wealthy descendants, typical African-American men have been playing societal catch up for hundreds of years. It’s understandable that they want to feel at least equal if not superior to their Caucasian counterparts. This is one of the reasons that many people, black and white, crave designer labels and luxury cars. And dating the white prize helps certain African-American men feel privileged, as if they’ve finally been accepted into the Euro-Caucasian dominated culture.
I still haven’t figured out why certain youngsters, both white and black, wear their pants below their asscheeks, but we’ll save that too for another discussion.
Here’s where I always run into trouble. I truly feel for Tasheka and all the other discarded African-American women. They gotta be mad as hell that all these fine-looking brothers are hooking up with some nappy-looking white women.
But, from what I’ve heard firsthand from my own black friends, there is a very good chance that African-American men had one or more bad experiences with a black woman. I’ve known several black women who seemed to have a seriously bad attitude towards, well, everything. I can vouch that black women are quite opinionated, argumentative, and, at times, ridiculously demanding — qualities not unseen in typical asexual feminists. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but most men tend to appreciate the path of least resistance. A typical average-looking white woman with a few extra pounds seems to be much more laid back than almost any black woman.
Finally, there are many African-American men and women who migrated to the suburbs or more segregated areas in a metropolis, and grew up with more of the typical American white influence. These are the kids who grew up with music played on instruments rather than drum machines, and who appreciate the artistry and legitimate musicianship of people like Lenny Kravitz, Prince, and Darius Rucker rather than drum loops and senseless narcissistic lyrics spewed by the likes of Tupac and Jay Z. African-American men and women who have assimilated into typical Caucasian-dominated mainstream suburban culture are more apt to cross racial lines in friendships and relationships.
On the flip side, yo, there are quite a few black women who prefer dating white men. Unfortunately, this situation doesn’t seem to come close to representing the numbers of the converse situation just yet. That would certainly help the overall acceptance of colorblind relationships. Anyway, here’s what I’ve noticed about black women who prefer white guys.
A black woman who dates a white guy tends to be much more agreeable and accepting than her sisters. She’s a heartbeat away from being a Valley Girl herself, but it seems to be an act. A black woman who has a higher education is more likely to date a white man. Why? I honestly have no idea, but I guess it’s most likely a socioeconomic thing.
Her hair may be straightened, and she’ll dress like a prep. Most likely, she’ll have a more common white name like Cheryl or Natalie rather than Tamika or Tonisha. As I sat at a bar in Las Vegas recently, talking with two mixed couples ironically on either side of me at the bar, I also realized black women who date white men tend to be extremely extroverted and open-minded. Both were loud and involved in everyone’s conversations. They exchanged phone numbers. To the older more conservative looking white man’s dismay, his date befriended a gay male couple sitting across from her. He looked extremely perturbed and completely ignored them. His date exchanged hugs and phone numbers with them as her date steamed. I didn’t particularly care for that douchebag.
Now, here’s the unfortunate part. I have noticed a disproportionate subset of the white men who prefer black women are typically nerdy dorks. Think video gamers, introverted engineers, Anime collectors, or devoted Star Wars fans. Caucasian men who date African-American women may have given up on white women. They’ve typically been stuck in a small social group and failed miserably. These white men typically bring those failed aspirations to their mixed relationship, ostensibly hopeful that these black women have lesser standards, which is certainly not the case.
And then there are the groups of privileged dweebs who feel guilt for their slave-owning ancestors. These are the Starbucks guys, hipsters who, with little effort, and hell-bent on changing the world for all the wrong reasons. I’m sure you can guess why these guys may not be the best investment for a long-term relationship.
Interracial dating is a big thing today. It’s not a bad thing, but it’s not for everyone. If you’re not really into it, don’t try it just to try it – playing with people’s hearts isn’t a nice thing to do.
What have you noticed that you have found interesting? For more of my thrilling insights into men, women, dating, and parenting, pick up my one of my books here.